I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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