It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
