she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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