i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
