I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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