As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
