I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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