): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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