We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
