why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
