NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
