He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
