I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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