and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
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I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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