so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
