I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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