2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
