she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize