even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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