New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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