He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
