When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He shit in the fireplace
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
