I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
