Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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