i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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