She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
