The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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