I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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