You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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