sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
