she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
