I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
