You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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