Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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