you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
