I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm at about main and main street
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
