some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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