a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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