who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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