Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
