that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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