if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
