I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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