My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
