I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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