she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
