Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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