got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
