do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
