i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
