you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
