im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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