Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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