Plan B is the new Plan A
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
