Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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