Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
