im drinking this country out of the recession.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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