yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
