More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you win again, gameday.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
