Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
