i don't like sucking hair
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
