He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
