I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
