I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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