I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
