i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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