tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
