My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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